Saturday: Decided to go to a quiz night this week. We are three intelligent articulate people, stocked full of knowledge and brimming with confidence as we sat down. A couple of gin and tonics later – and multiple blank spaces – and it was clear we are not the brainiacs we thought we were. Second to last place confirmed it. Cue many recriminations and a rather petty squabble about the name of Captain Nemo’s submarine. Rain.

Sunday: One of my housemates is unduly influenced by films and television programmes and acts in strange ways sometimes. After too many episodes of The Sopranos, he can be found lounging around the house wearing a vest and eating spaghetti. He has developed grand ideas of being a masked vigilante and has just decided he could definitely carry out Project Mayhem “if he wanted to”. Windy.

Next week: Driving home the other day I went past a rather unsettling sign. It said: “Drivers stay back”, which seemed unnecessarily menacing. Something untoward must have been happening in the near vicinity, which led me to wonder why they felt the need to put a sign up advertising this. I was a good few miles down the road before I began to wonder what it all meant and it was too late to go back and check. Cold.